Tomorrow I hope to see you again.
I feel like this is how I am – I am always longing for your company. A couple of hours with you is never enough. I always find myself wanting to tell you many things, but only managing to muster a few words of hyper-condensed sentences that skips over beauty and gets straight to the point. I wonder if, somehow, I think it means I will have more time with you. But it’s a little silly, because then I lose the quality time I have with you, overthinking about what to do and what to say. It really is a shame.
Lately, I have been spending a lot of time in my head. Debilitating thoughts cloud my mind and I know it’s unhealthy to bottle it up, but the thoughts don’t really have anywhere to go and they end up seeping into all aspects of my life. I feel as if I can tell you all these things; somehow, I know you would understand. So I am caught between wanting to tell you and not at all. The days seem too short and there is never a right time. Yet, in the end I am just wasting time by making excuses. Isn’t it ironic?
Tomorrow, I really do hope to see you again.
Am I lonely? I am not so sure, for I enjoy the quiet found in my own world of blue peaks and Tokyo snow. I love to sit with the peace of knowing I can do anything inside these four walls; I can relive my memories, travel to different worlds constructed by words, and also spend time with my God. Yet, I long for your company on happy days, sad days and days in between, because you are someone I can’t help but miss.
I find myself in different places wondering whether I am granted the opportunity to bump into you because you seem to be busy nowadays. You can find me sitting in different cafés, wondering if I am too much – whether I am a bothersome person and whether it’s okay to message you so often. I don’t want to distract you from work, from your other friends, and from important things. I don’t want to be a burden, but even so, I still want to see you.
Often, I think about you and how you’re doing. Right now, you’re probably at home working on something or maybe even catching up with a friend. I like hearing about the little things, because I see how your eyes light up when you talk about something you love – when you tell me about your ideas and conversations you have with others. I just can’t help but smile. So, in all your busyness, I hope you’re finding time to rest and time to do what you love.
I hope you’re well and I can’t wait to see you again.
水 