Today, I went to the beach. The weather wasn’t particularly good – the sky was blanketed in clouds that brought a little drizzle to the earth, and it was cooler, yet more humid than most summer days that I am used to. Despite the terrible weather, I was still so determined to go, and we did.
The beach is a little different when the sun isn’t out. The colours that sat on the horizon and coastline weren’t as vivid as they normally are, but it still made for a picturesque sight. It’s a little like comparing two movies which have beach scenes – the way a director decides to use colour could completely change one’s emotional perception of what occurs. So, I guess you could say it felt like I was living inside a world of film.
The sky cast a grey cellophane-like cloak over my eyes, but there were a few things that seemed so colourful in comparison. The bright yellows of the hot chips we ate for lunch reminded me of smaller joys and kept me warm; the deep blues of my friend’s denim skirt when soaked reminded me of what depth the world has, and I remember that there is so much more colour… so much more nuance to explore.
Somehow, I think it’s a little ironic. I experienced an overwhelming amount of joy on such a greyscale kind of day. It was far from the pathetic fallacy used all too often in k-dramas and the like. In a creative sense, it didn’t seem very much like a film at all. Of course, I know real life from film, but sometimes it feels like I am living in the world of film. I see and experience things that I find quite unusual and don’t really expect to witness these things in real life, but they happen. I wonder if it’s because of these things that I have become melodramatic, as if acting a part, or if it is the converse.
At the end of the day, the acting all comes to an end and I take off my mask, for a lack of a better phrase. Sometimes that’s how it feels like, but I also know that I am not pretending to be anyone else. I have never been anyone other than, me. Perhaps it’s just because I find my time is cut short and I don’t get to burn all this energy I have – I have to forcefully shut off the impulse to socialise, which is really like a jab to the gut. I don’t get the time to wind down with others naturally. It really is an extrovert’s problem.
But I am elated to say that today was not one of those days. I am happy to have spent the entire day chasing after (or running away from) waves, playing beach volleyball, and eating an excessive amount of chicken wings. Our beach trip was a nice change from the days I live.
Days like these really do teach me how to let tomorrow worry about itself.
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