Yesterday was a strange day. It was full of many things to do, many people to see and many conversations to tend to. And people who know me would probably ask: what makes it different from any other day you live?
I remember listening to a conversation about living life as if you were on autopilot. I couldn’t really understand that sentiment until yesterday. To ‘switch your brain off’ seemed like a very strange concept, given that I am almost always having to think about things that I may have to do later in the day. But my body, broken down by the brunt of exercise from an adventure a few days prior, wasn’t feeling 100% and definitely would have preferred to stay resting in bed all day.
The day flew by in an instant. Conversations were scattered here and there, words being shared over a late lunch, as I sat and listened and zoned out and listened. I was there, though I wasn’t quite present unless someone spoke to me directly. Sometimes my mind does this thing where it fixates on small details in the world around me, rather than what happens in front of me. I remember the texture of the ground on which we sat, the occasional pelt of rain, and the changing taste of my drink as I switched between eating an egg tart and drinking my drink. I remember the wind and the screaming children around us, and the strong desire to want to go home. I don’t remember much of the group conversation during lunch, except for the part someone had asked me a question – actually, that’s a lie. As I write this, I’m recalling more and more of my day.
My body was tired, but my mind was more than awake. It just felt as if I was mentally dragging a dead body around, pretending to live. It felt like that kind of day – grey and bleak, just like the sky. I had no capacity to do anything except to breathe and be there, that is, until dinner. I remember bumping into three different people I hadn’t expected to see and that was such a joy. I love randomly bumping into people – it’s just so much fun! I think that’s what got me going again. And the place I had dinner; it was so busy! I think I just fed off that energy for a while, and it kept me going until I crashed at around 9pm.
I feel myself crashing now too. Yes, sleep awaits me. Goodnight.
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