To be sitting in a classroom, where I understood maybe one in every twenty words spoken, where all but one other understands the language – it was an unequivocal feeling. The strange familiarity of mentally losing it as time went on takes me back to the days I travelled across the world, finding myself somewhere foreign. It was a place where English wasn’t so commonplace.
Having come from an Australian summer, settling into a European winter, the air was a lot cooler and the ambience, much more orderly. I remember the men who stood around the airport; they were camo-wearing men who wielded the infamous FAMAS, a familiar firearm I first encountered playing Counter-Strike: Global Offensive. It was actually one of my favourite firearms to use, but that’s another story – and probably a very uninteresting one.
I called a small village in Rouen home and had been adopted into a family of strangers for seven weeks. It was a lot to take in, and was nothing short of overwhelming, being the introverted and incredibly shy person I was. But I remember the very first meal I had and the feeling of warmth it gave me after the long journey from Paris. Who would have thought a budding ministry that has nothing to do with France would bring back all these memories?
The circumstances could not have been more different, but the feelings were the same. It was a mix of excitement and a strange calm anxiousness, if you will. Though, it makes sense, given that excitement and anxiety are biologically the same. It’s how you perceive the feeling that makes all the difference. But I digress. We all sat at one table, introducing ourselves in Chinese, and all I could muster was my name and what I studied; 我叫Jaimee。我学音乐和声音设计。
And the entire time I would sit in silence, smiling and nodding, as people did bible readings and testimonies and small talk. I would definitely argue that the experience would have been easier if I hadn’t known any Chinese whatsoever, because I probably could have tuned out everything. Since I can pick up words here and there, I always reached out for anything I could understand and attempt to piece together the words to form ideas or conversations, but to no avail. It was very exhausting.
Yet, even though I felt like I had nothing to contribute, I know that what we were doing, it’s valuable. I serve in a ministry that’s specifically for Chinese international students, done solely in Chinese. I know so little that I wouldn’t be able to get around in China if you flew me there! Still, someone pointed out that it meant a lot to know that there were local students there and that it would have been odd otherwise. And they’re right, but it’s a little strange to think that my presence was valued despite not really knowing the people there and how to interact with them.
I do hope that this motivates me to study Chinese a little harder – so that I may be able to interact with everyone more naturally and encourage them to continue searching. Today was quite the experience, and I actually look forward to the next few weeks! I expect that it will deplete what mental capacity I have for the day, but I think it’ll be worth it.
Am I just crazy? Well… Maybe a little.
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