Abandoned

In the garden of Gethsemane, the battle was won. Jesus knew the path ahead of him and all the pain and suffering he would have to endure. Yet, he surrendered to God’s will, knowing all this.

Still, even Jesus despaired. In his distress, Jesus approached the Father three times and prayed to Him. Jesus, his soul overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, cried out to the Father, “take this cup from me.”

And three times, he found his disciples asleep.

In this story, we often only see Jesus and his dedication to the Father’s will—at least, that’s how I’ve always viewed it. But Jesus’ disciples play a massive part in the story I have always overlooked.

The people He so loved and needed in His despair let him down three times. Three times.

Imagine that. You have asked your loved ones to do one thing, something simple and not labour-intensive. And even if it was just that one thing, it would have meant the world to you if they could have done it for you. But instead, they let you down.

How much more does that abandonment hurt during times of distress and trouble? Still, Jesus chose to trust his disciples, and he never stopped loving them. And that was a tremendous act of grace.

In the garden of Gethsemane, the battle was won over sin and death. Jesus chose to fulfil the Father’s will, and our sin was put to death on the cross with him. So he has gone before us—and what a great comfort that is! He knows our pain and empathises with us in ways others cannot and he has not abandoned us.

Jesus fought the big battle and won! But for us, we still have to fight the smaller battles every day. Sometimes they are going to be brutal uphill battles. But it should be of comfort to us, knowing they won’t be eternal like the punishment of Sisyphus.

Lately, it feels like I’ve been fighting on my own, and I understand the feelings of disappointment and abandonment. I’m not even going to mince my words—it’s so fucking hard. My whole world feels like it has imploded, and it’s just too much for me to handle on my own.

My closest and dearly loved ones have let me down, and I have been wallowing in a pit of despair and grief. They all seem to be busy and have no time for me, and I have to remind myself that while this is true, it can also be true that I am hurt by this.

Still, this I know, God has been kind. People I’m not so close with or have been close to in the past have been the ones to reach out. And that it has been a small victory. My soul is not quite overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, but I know the hurt I feel still stings all the more.

To trust is an act of grace, and sometimes that means you will be let down and deeply hurt.

And right now, I am deeply hurt.