Calendars are fantastic when you know how to use them. I thrive on keeping my calendar updated because it’s incredibly satisfying to know everything is organised. Before everyone’s lives were uprooted and we were plunged into lockdown, my planners kept me going. I had all events and appointments marked, accurate to the quarter hour.
And my use of planners was strange, almost redundant at times because I seemed to remember every upcoming event within the year. That’s not to say that I didn’t ever get it wrong—every now and again, I double-booked myself. Inefficent, right? But I’d like to think writing things down helped me remember these things.
For a long time, this was my standard—almost perfection. I was hard on people who could never remember our planned catch-ups. And I definitely could not comprehend that it may be a challenge to remember an upcoming event a week away. However, having one of my closest friends explain that she could genuinely not remember events two days in advance even after putting it on her calendar (subsequently double-booking me), I’ve since realised that I may be the weird one.
High-functioning people, so judgy, am I right? Yeah, I know. I’m working on it. But the point of writing this isn’t for me to brag about how great my memory is. Instead, I’m here to tell you a story.
A few weeks ago, my days rushed by in an instant. It was the busiest I’d been in a long time. If you don’t know me already, you may think, oh, she must have had work and more things during the week. But, no, no, no, it was much worse than that. I’m talking about the busyness of an unhealthy kind. Think, two jobs, several recreational activities, bible study, catch-up dinners and numerous parties, all while trying to keep up with an overzealous content calendar (which, by the way, I am obviously behind on). I was out every single day and had no time to stop.
I don’t even need to tell you that this kind of lifestyle is unsustainable. While I could keep up with the social aspect of last week’s calendar, and even the workload of my jobs, other parts of my life lagged behind. I am three blog posts behind schedule, the house certainly isn’t being kept clean by me, and I am probably weeks behind in keeping up with my online conversations.
To give you context about how bad it has become, let me tell you a story. This true story features none other than me, and it begins with my friend. Let’s call him Pepe because Pepe is a meme, and this guy sends a whole chunk of memes to me all the time on Instagram. Unfortunately, at the start of last month, I fell behind in keeping up to date with the memes he sent. And because I just stopped watching the reels Pepe sent, they piled up. But I finally went through the entire collection he sent.
There were more than 80 reels. And I watched every. Single. One. I was lucky to have already watched some of the reels, but it took some time. So this metaphor pretty much sums up my life right now. It’s how the little things pile up and get overwhelming if you don’t deal with them at all.
And look, I know I could’ve just ignored all the reels, and everything would’ve been peachy keen, but I like to make my life difficult sometimes. If you want to look at it that way, of course. A lot of the inconvenience I put myself through is all to show love to people. I consider these things a joy to do, even when it sometimes seems like a drag.
But I also know that because I haven’t been taking care of myself very well and have left things to pile up, I’ve begun to begrudgingly do some of these things. As a result, what used to be joyful gifts, like having conversations on social media or hosting wacky events, have been a bother and a task to tick off my list. The past three weeks have been a lot, and I need time to catch up on life admin.
Though, I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I’m slowly gaining back the joy that was taken from me. Just the other day, I had a conversation online for no particular reason! That blew my mind. I’ve forgotten that while social media is a communication tool, it’s so much more than just “reading emails”. And I have been treating it as such.
So while it’s good to be on top of your “emails” and across your schedule, maybe you should take a step back and ask yourself whether it brings you joy. But I’m not saying you should completely discard anything that doesn’t bring you joy (I’m not Marie Kondo). Instead, examine why you feel that way.
For me, it can be summed up in one word: burnout.
And as cliché as it sounds, it’s true. In times like this, I’ve learnt that I need to stop being so hard on myself, but I also know I can’t just stop everything I’m doing and disappear. As much as I would like to, that doesn’t solve any problems.
So I have committed to my planner becoming my best friend once again. But this time, I will treat myself more graciously and be realistic about my limits. Hold me to this.
Until next time,
Jaimee
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