Do you know what it’s like to have weights tied to your arms and legs, only to be told to tread water for as long as possible?
These things will pass, and it will be for the better.
I’m tired. It’s like the world wants to see me drown. Maybe it would be better if I let go and sank six feet under. I no longer want the responsibility of caring for people who make excuses for their neglect.
The god I believe in tells me to forgive, but there’s only so much I can take.
Love others.
But my cup is empty.
Why?
Any conversation I initiate to evoke change—every issue I broach, is met with an excuse for their nonchalance. I don’t want to hear it. To say you don’t have time for me when you are out almost every night for some other reason is a mere delusion. All you had to do was tell me I’m not a priority.
I’m tired of listening to your complaints about lack of sleep and decision paralysis caused by your self-inflicted busyness. It leads me to wonder whether you hear our concerns about your lifestyle. You may entertain our jabs with grumbling agreement, but the excuses never cease to stop.
It’s frustrating to think all our concerns fall upon deaf ears when you could easily resolve your issues if you made some changes. But you are stubborn. I’m tired of carrying the burden of your social irresponsibility, and I no longer want to hear your justification of carelessness.
For a long time, I sacrificially bore a burden that ought to have been collective, and I continue to watch my efforts be devalued by you, who pretends or buys into the lie that your carelessness is justified.
For people to convince me that friendship is worth the pain has not suffered at the mercy of a stubborn mule who is thirsty and won’t drink when led to a pool of water. Relationships are hard. I would rather live alone on a secluded mountainside than deal with people anymore. It’s exhausting to keep pouring out love and grace when things don’t change.
Tell me why it’s worth it. Being alone is better than the poor illusion of fellowship I’m being served.
My cup is empty, and you’re the one who dried up the well.
I just want everything to stop. Let me rest.
I am not as patient as the god I follow. I am fed up and tired of giving and giving and receiving very little in return.
I just want to die.
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