As I cast my eyes on the sky, searching for that soft and familiar glow of the moon, I sighed a breath of relief. I fondly recalled feelings of marvel in my admiration of the stars. Like a small heartbeat of hope, my chest longed for the same physical nostalgia of dreaming about the future… and also the desire to build it with someone else. I’ve developed a love for someone or something that I have yet to find.
A strange yearning. And a paradoxical one too. To even consider letting anyone in again is terrifying for me. Memories have left me broken and full of distrust. But as I glimpsed the very first half-moon of autumn through my windscreen, my restlessness melted away. God only knows how much I stare at the sky He illustrated. The ever-changing mural, made from a splendid myriad of colours, fades into darkness and reveals every single star He has carved into the night.
March quietly exited the back door. After all, it’s too warm to really be considered autumn. But April falls into a gorgeous palette of pumpkins, maple leaves, and dying embers. I describe this season the same every year. In the same way that I have loved previous years, I still love the coolness of the morning—how I can fade into consciousness at just the right temperature and how the air gently caresses my skin as I leave my bed in the morning. It is far more pleasant than the onslaught of heat we experience during Australian summers.
The half-moon has never been a meaningful symbol of mine. But as I sit in the “now, but not yet“, it directed my eyes forward to an assuring hope. Half empty or half full, I see something beautiful on its way to completion. A mirror reflecting the light of the sun down on us in the night. It was oh so yellow. Very warm. And inviting. Gazing upon the night’s eye was like holding a hot water bottle to your chest, a sense of ease radiated throughout my body as the warmth took over.
Everything is okay. Perhaps more than just okay. Peering even two months into the future no longer leaves me dejected and despondent. I eagerly wait to welcome the windchill of winter, its hot chocolatey delights and much more. And I look forward to the creation of intimate gatherings in lively homes. Maybe one day, I’ll get to participate in shared closeness within the dreams of the future. But for now, I shall gaze upon the half-moon and praise my God for all the good that He has done.
My heart is full of tenderness, but its passions have nowhere to go. Into what vessel shall I pour this love?
水 